Quotes of All Topics . Occasions . Authors
Poker would have never gotten on TV when we only had three networks.
Poker has the feeling of a sport, but you don't have to do push-ups.
Bob Saget is the dirtiest comic who's ever lived. Nobody touches him.
I believe that the best way to become an atheist is to read the bible
Never ascribe to conspiracy that which can be attributed to ignorance.
I think people under age 55 come to Vegas with a certain sense of irony.
I hate that not everything ever written is on iBooks. Man, I hate paper.
I think that I am willing to risk my life in order to have more freedom.
I love the idea that horror and fear is a celebration of health and life.
There never was a God. 'God is dead' is a halfway measure I won't go with.
We know what racist people look like. They don't deny it. They just don't!
For better or worse, in the 21st century, reality shows are the variety show.
Someone who is a good person should have no fear of the government whatsoever.
If you are doing something for reward or punishment, you do not have morality.
You have to be careful as a libertarian because you can sound very Republican.
You get no moral credit for forcing other people to do what you think is right.
Jay-Z, he knows precisely who he's going for - 14-year-old white suburban girls.
The only difference between Obama and Bush is that Obama is killing more people.
The vast majority of people who have mental illness problems never hurt anybody.
Charities are really good. To a certain extent, the ones you pick are arbitrary.
Obama is a great leader. He can fire people up and get them to do what he wants.
The end never justifies the means because there is no end; there are only means.
I'm always fascinated by the use of the first-person plural talking about sports.
Tolerance is you saying something crazy and me smiling and saying, 'That's nice.'
When someone is trying to interpret something for you, they always have an agenda.
It's fair to say that the Bible contains equal amounts of fact, history, and pizza.
The pure unadulterated disgust of Washington seems to me to be a really good thing.
I don't speak for all Libertarians any more than Sean Penn speaks for all Democrats.
I've always wanted to make the world a more rational place. I'm still working on it.
I think voting for the lesser of two evils in game theory always leads to more evil.
Much better than the feeling of having things is the feeling of having earned things.
Behaving morally because of a hope of reward or a fear of punishment is not morality.
Don't waste too much time wishing, hoping, and being envious; it'll make you bugnutty.
You can't stop insane people from doing insane things with insane laws. That's insane!
We need a president who realizes that there's no government business in show business.
There's no job in show business that's harder than any other job outside show business.
If you spend a lot of time lying to people, you think a lot about what the truth means.
You don't have freedom unless you have the freedom to do stupid self-destructive things.
We are only here for a little while, and our bodies belong to ourselves and no one else.
The highest ideals are human intelligence, creativity and love. Respect these above all.
We all have friends we love dearly that couldn't pass for human in a strict Turing test.
Technology is run by sex, because it's very important to people, both technology and sex.
When you tell other people to do stuff they don't know how to do, they tend to freak out.
My whole take on libertarianism is simply that I don't know what's best for other people.
Penn & Teller stopped doing practical jokes, and the reason is we got much too good at it.
If there's something you really want to believe, that's what you should question the most.
You can't allow people freedom and then change your mind when the things don't go your way.
The only secret of magic is that I'm willing to work harder on it than you think it's worth.
'Celebrity Apprentice' has more integrity and is the most straightforward show I've ever seen.
Modern American magic, late 20th century magic, is tremendously disrespectful of the audience.