Quotes of All Topics . Occasions . Authors
I hate puppets so much.
I find Mormons adorable.
I can feel myself dying inside.
I was a big Broadway fan for a while.
All the religions are super funny to me.
I was a big 'Charlie Brown' fan as a kid.
My dad was just a big Joseph Campbell nut.
I have no desire to ever talk to Sean Penn.
A scotch buzz is the best buzz in the world.
I was always a very happy, optimistic person.
I don't even know where Russia and Mexico are.
Bargaining makes you come up with the best ideas.
Something is cool until everyone thinks it's cool.
You can't make experimental work by copying past work.
I would never kill somebody, unless they pissed me off.
Colorado's right next to Utah - you know, Mormon Central.
You don't need missionaries in Colorado; you got Colorado.
The only way to be punk rock in L.A. is to be a Republican.
Living is having ups and downs and sharing them with friends.
I like to fancy myself more of a musician than anything else.
I spend shockingly little time thinking about real-world stuff.
Sometimes what's right isn't as important as what's profitable.
When I was a kid, to me, the Evergreen Players were the big time.
Even from the very beginning, I didn't put any money in the stock market.
I see Santa Claus and Joseph Smith and Luke Skywalker as the same person.
Once you have kids, you think like a parent. You get a lot more protective.
Sean Penn's really the only one stupid enough to put anything down on paper.
There's a lot of people who, a cigarette is about the only vacation they have.
Jerry Bruckheimer creates comedy, he just doesn't realize because he's a turd.
When you're watching 'Armageddon,' and the Aerosmith song starts... Super funny.
The 'Beavis and Butt-head' movie was just a movie-length version of the TV show.
Me and Matt love to argue, but in general our sense of humor is pretty much alike.
I don't want to say never, but I hope I don't become that 'take me seriously now' guy.
I bought a house for my mom, I bought a house for my dad, I bought a house for my sister.
Any job is a job. If you have to be doing something, then you're probably not enjoying it.
The problem is we moved to LA... The only way to be punk rock in L.A. is to be a Republican.
Hippies, hippies... they want to save the world but all they do is smoke pot and play frisbee!
It's an Afghanistan goat, so it can't stay here, or else it'll choke on the sweet air of freedom.
So much of what you see now in Hollywood is written and directed by committee, and you can see it.
Well I looked in my moms closet and saw what I was getting for Christmas, an ultravibe pleasure 2000.
Saying goodbye doesn't mean anything. It's the time we spent together that matters, not how we left it.
I think you could take any Bruckheimer movie and do it with puppets, and it would be screamingly funny.
If you're famous, you suck, just for being famous. People in England totally get that; Americans don't.
Even if you're not Christian, just from being in our culture you know Jesus and resurrection and redemption.
Careful?! Was my mother careful when she stabbed me in the heart with a coat hanger while I was still in womb?
I find Mormons adorable. I love Disneyland and old musicals, and, to me, Mormonism fits right in with all of that.
I've gotten to a point where I wouldn't direct someone else's material. It would only be something totally original.
Love isn't a decision. It's a feeling. If we could decide who we loved,it would be much simpler, but much less magical
I've never met a Mormon I didn't like. They're really nice people. They're so Disney. They're so Rodgers and Hammerstein.
If somebody actually came to me and said, 'O.K., this is it: write your last 'South Park' episodes,' I'd be like, 'No, no, no.'