Quotes of All Topics . Occasions . Authors
In my own works I am an obsessionist. Though I write humorous music too, much of it has been obsessed by death and the tragic.
That's the staggering, humorous thing about money. If you haven't got taste, money doesn't matter: You'll always look ghastly.
When men lose against me, they always have a headache ... or things of that kind. I have never beaten a completely healthy man!
It was a typically British birth... I was three at the time. They had a strike in the maternity ward... I came out in sympathy.
As a wedding gift, Ray J gave Kim Kardashian his profits from their sex tape. It's 'Something Old' as well as 'Something Blew.'
The church has historically been very slow to embrace technology. Until very recently, their idea of a laptop was an altar boy.
Sailboats are the slowest form of transportation on Earth with the possible exeption of airline flights that go through O'Hare.
For lack of a better term, they've labeled me a sex symbol. It's flattering and it should happen to every bald, overweight guy.
McDonald's breakfast for under a dollar is actually more expensive than that. You have to factor in the cost of bypass surgery.
Canada is a country whose main exports are hockey players and cold fronts. Our main imports are baseball players and acid rain.
As to the Seven Deadly Sins, I deplore Pride, Wrath, Lust, Envy and Greed. Gluttony and Sloth I pretty much plan my day around.
There is no decision to be more or less comic. I don't feel more or less humorous in my day-to-day. These things are accidental.
If I traveled to the end of the rainbow as Dame Fortune did intend, Murphy would be there to tell me the pot's at the other end.
I mean you've got a conservative and right-winged press presence with really nothing on the other end of the political spectrum.
There are some circles in America where it seems to be more socially acceptable to carry a hand-gun than a packet of cigarettes.
Well, sir, let us do what we can to curtail this visit, which can hardly be agreeable to you, and is inexpressibly irksome to me.
England manufactures most of the world's airline food, as well as all the food you ever ate in your junior-high-school cafeteria.
If the security personnel do their job properly, they just might cause you to miss your plane, thereby possibly saving your life.
Last year I gave seventy-four phone hours to soliciting baked goods for the Bake-A-Rama. I was named Top Call Girl by the League.
I never worry that all hell will break loose. My concern is that only part of hell will break loose and be much harder to detect.
There's a few tunes of mine that don't have jokes, but most of them have a joke and they have a humorous point of view somewhere.
My favorite review described me as the cinematic equivalent of junk mail. I don't know what that means, but it sounds like a dig.
I won't say ours was a tough school, but we had our own coroner. We used to write songs like, "What I'm going to do if I grow up".
I miss New York. I still love how people talk to you on the street - just assault you and tell you what they think of your jacket.
An emotional man may possess no humor, but a humorous man usually has deep pockets of emotion, sometimes tucked away or forgotten.
A member of the committee slapped a name tag over my left bosom. "What shall we name the other one?" I smiled. She was not amused.
When I was born, I was almost fourteen years old. That's why I was able to understand more easily than most what it was all about.
Where humor is concerned there are no standards - no one can say what is good or bad, although you can be sure that everyone will.
Any man who is under 30, and is not a liberal, has no heart; and any man who is over 30, and is not a conservative, has no brains.
You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen, it said 'Parking Fine.'
To go into acting is like asking for admission to an insane asylum. Anyone may apply, but only the certifiably insane are admitted.
There is a vast difference between the savage and the civilized man, but it is never apparent to their wives until after breakfast.
It's a wonderful way to live, and not a bad way to go, either. The average Frenchman is still smiling three months after he's dead.
In my experience, if you go to a hospital for any reason whatsoever, including to read the gas meter, they give you a tetanus shot.
I'm a Christian-libertarian-environmentalist-capitalist-lunatic. It's a humorous way for me to describe that I'm not stereotypical.
I saw six men kicking and punching the mother-in-law. My neighbour said 'Are you going to help?' I said 'No, six should be enough.'
Good wine needs no bush, And perhaps products that people really want Need no hard-sell or soft-sell TV push. Why not? Look at pot.
There's nothing on it worthwhile, and we're not going to watch it in this household, and I don't want it in your intellectual diet.
Though philosophers like to define poetry as irrational fancy, for us it is practical, humorous, reasonable way of being ourselves.
When I was young, I believed in three things: Marxism, the redemptive power of cinema, and dynamite. Now I just believe in dynamite.
I don't kill flies but I like to mess with their minds. I hold them above globes. They freak out and yell, 'Whoa, I'm way too high!'
For your popular rumour, unlike the rolling stone of the proverb, is one which gathers a deal of moss in its wanderings up and down.
Baseball is very big with my people. It figures. It's the only way we can get to shake a bat at a white man without starting a riot.
There are only two reasons to sit in the back row of an airplane: Either you have diarrhea, or you're anxious to meet people who do.
What I've always done as an entertainer is try to come up with things that people will find interesting, or compelling, or humorous.
If there was sadness in this creative world of mine, it was a pleasant sadness. If there were problems, they were humorous problems.
In my creative films, if there was something, some humorous moment that is lost to a non-Korean speaking audience, I'll be very sad.
When I started writing this, I found that I simply couldn't take fantasy seriously, so it became humorous, and continued from there.
The predicament of a person in a restaurant who is unable to determine his or her designated restroom (e.g., turtles and tortoises).
Canada is like an old cow. The West feeds it. Ontario and Quebec milk it. And you can well imagine what it's doing in the Maritimes.