Quotes by Ralphie May - Page 2

In L.A., fat people are mythical. We're like Big Foot. 'Oh, yeah, my cousin knows someone who's fat.' Nobody's fat in L.A.
Ralphie May / Comedian
Cousin
Foot
Mythical
Oh Yeah
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I've never seen myself as a victim because of my physicality. If I did play that game, I wouldn't be the comedian that I am.
Ralphie May / Comedian
Physicality
Myself Game I Am
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I've been shortchanged and overlooked my whole life. And if you boo-hoo about everything, that's all you're going to do your whole life.
Ralphie May / Comedian
Overlooked
Life Your Everything
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If you want to be called a dwarf you must be in immediate possession of a battle axe cause otherwise your just a midget with an attitude.
Ralphie May / Comedian
Attitude
Battle
Dwarves
Want
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Atlanta is interesting. You have high education rates but there are plenty of regular folks. People have degrees but chop wood on weekends.
Ralphie May / Comedian
Education
Atlanta
Degrees
Folks
Interesting
Plenty
Chop
High
Rates
Regular
Weekends
Wood
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You talk to - I had a good fortune of getting to spend a lot of time with Uncle Miltie and guys like Buddy Hackett before they passed away.
Ralphie May / Comedian
Buddy
Good Fortune
Uncle
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My audience has accepted me for a long time as, you know, not a fat comedian but a comedian who happens to be fat. That's a huge difference.
Ralphie May / Comedian
Accepted
Comedian
Time Me Long
Huge Difference
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There's no getting around it - I am a politically incorrect, racially insensitive, culturally controversial comic, but at least I'm self-aware.
Ralphie May / Comedian
Comic
Controversial
Insensitive
Incorrect
Politically Incorrect
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Vegas needs a really funny, dirty, late-night show, and I'll tell it like it is, I promise you that. And you gotta love the audience I bring in.
Ralphie May / Comedian
Late Night
Promise
Vegas
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Jesus was a pothead- long hair, beard, sandals, carpenter- do the math it all adds up. Living with twelve guys with no visible means of support.
Ralphie May / Comedian
Jesus
Math
Mean
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When somebody's different, it's so easy to dismiss what people say because of what they look like. They really want to judge the book by its cover.
Ralphie May / Comedian
Dismiss
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I grew up in a little town in Arkansas called Clarksville and it was a weird existence, you know? I grew up white trash; we had holes in our walls.
Ralphie May / Comedian
Arkansas
Holes
Trash
Little Town
Walls
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If we were all sitting around as different races and as different religions, if you were a real friend of these people, you would bust on them all.
Ralphie May / Comedian
Different Religions
Bust
Religions
Races
Real Friend
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People have been calling me names and setting me back my whole life. And with every fight it's just given me more fuel to my fire and in doing so I've become a success.
Ralphie May / Comedian
Calling
Fire
Fuel
Given
Setting
Whole
Fight
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When I was up for the film 'Dreamcatcher,' to play the role of an overweight kid, I was told I'm too fat to play the fat guy. That's like telling a Mexican to get a tan.
Ralphie May / Comedian
Mexican
Overweight
Tan
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I don't get much respect from the industry in general, but that's OK. I didn't get into it for respect. I got into it to make people laugh, and that's what I'm doing. That's all I give a damn about.
Ralphie May / Comedian
Damn
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The iPhone rules, but it does everything but get a call, you know? I can't tell you how many times my wife has been madder at me because cell phone coverage dropped and she thought I hung up on her.
Ralphie May / Comedian
Cell Phone
Coverage
Hung
Iphone
Wife
Rules
Call
Cell
Dropped
Phone
How Many Times
Madder
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When I do jokes that maybe are seen as social commentary, I research them to the nth degree. I probably do more research than I do actual joke writing. I want to make sure what I'm saying is correct.
Ralphie May / Comedian
Commentary
Correct
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I've been enjoying classes at the gym, where people look at me because I'm fat. At the end of the workout, they're sucking air and I've beaten them because I have more heart, because I had it much harder.
Ralphie May / Comedian
Beaten
Workout
Classes
Enjoying
Sucking
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I'm topical as hell. That's not going to change if I lose weight. There are a lot of comics that do 'fat jokes' better than I do - Louie Anderson, John Pinette, Gabriel Iglesias. These guys are phenomenal.
Ralphie May / Comedian
Gabriel
Anderson
Topical
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My father passed on one important piece of relationship advice before he died. He said son, in a relationship you can either be right or you can be happy. You'll soon find out that you don't care that much about being right.
Ralphie May / Comedian
Advice
Father
Son
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America thinks if you're fat, you're stupid. That's great. I want them to keep thinking that. Let them keep on thinking that because the truth is, the expectations are blown away even more when you realize what I'm saying and doing.
Ralphie May / Comedian
Blown Away
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If I can make you laugh and learn, I want to be like George Carlin and Richard Pryor and Eddie Murphy and Sam Kinison and Chris Rock and Dave Chappelle. I want to be of that ilk, I don't want to just make you laugh, I want to make you think.
Ralphie May / Comedian
Dave
Murphy
Carlin
Chris
Chris Rock
Eddie
Eddie Murphy
George
Richard
Laugh
Rock
Pryor
Sam
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I've been called a race traitor, prejudiced about white people. It's ridiculous... I have a really, really diverse crowd. Most comedy clubs appeal to white audiences. I have a very mixed crowd. I have a lot of visibility in the black audience.
Ralphie May / Comedian
Audience
Black
Clubs
Comedy
Diverse
Race
Traitor
Visibility
White
Appeal
Black People White
Crowd
Mixed
Prejudiced
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My audience expects me to push the limits, to be politically incorrect. I do that because for me, that's the only place where the fun is, when I get to push the boundaries and make people laugh at things that they probably didn't want to laugh at.
Ralphie May / Comedian
Boundaries
Me People Fun
Me Fun People
Expects
Incorrect
Politically Incorrect
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I loved 'Celebrity Fit Club,' working out six days a week, running a mile and a half three times a week, and doing 1,000 crunches and sit-ups a day with a trainer. I did too much, but I lost 78 pounds of fat and 18 inches around my waist in four months.
Ralphie May / Comedian
Running
Fit
Half
Inches
Lost
Months
Pounds
Six
Three
Too Much
Week
Fat
Did
Days
Loved
Club
Working
Times
Mile
Six Days
Trainer
Waist
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There's certain stock lines that, you know, like heckler lines, you know, like, where did you learn to whisper, a helicopter, you know? Nobody owns those. I mean, someone first wrote it but it's been so universally used that it's common and it's called stock.
Ralphie May / Comedian
Certain
Common
Lines
Nobody
Helicopter
Owns
Stock
Universally
Whisper
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I'm an entertainer first. But I do as a stand up comedian, the way for me to evolve is to make a difference, to make people laugh and learn and do something different. Because there's too many comedians out there just making people laugh. And anybody can do that.
Ralphie May / Comedian
Comedian
Evolve
Me People Way
Entertainer
Comedians
Me Make A Difference People
Laugh
Make A Difference
Stand Up
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I know I wanted to be a comic when I was nine. I was thirteen the first time I did it. I was attending a Methodist Church youth retreat at the University of Southern Alabama. They held a talent show on the last night. I won, and then I made out with a 14-year-old girl from Prattville, Alabama.
Ralphie May / Comedian
Alabama
Attending
Last Night
Retreat
Southern
Thirteen
Methodist
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I've had people hate me for my appearance. I think it gets me a certain level of empathy with the audience. If I was white and handsome and privileged, I probably couldn't talk about what I talk about because people wouldn't believe that I have empathy or I could be evenhanded and objective. It's strange.
Ralphie May / Comedian
Appearance
Handsome
Privileged
Certain Level
Hate Believe Me
Objective
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I don't just live in a bubble in Los Angeles. I'm on the road all the time. I say hello to people everywhere. That way, you get to see what despair is around the holidays. People are making terrible choices: Do I have heat in the winter or food on the table? Decisions between filling the gas tank or buying a gift for a kid.
Ralphie May / Comedian
Buying
Choices
Despair
Filling
Gas
Heat
Los Angeles
Terrible
Winter
Everywhere
Decisions
Angeles
Bubble
Holidays
Los
Table
Tank
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My average fan works for about $20 per hour, if they are lucky enough to have a job. And then factoring in insurance, taxes and such, they're maybe bringing home $15 per hour. If my tickets are just under $30, it took them about two hours of their life to make the money to come see my show. Why shouldn't I give them two hours too?
Ralphie May / Comedian
Tickets
Life Money Home
Insurance
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I go out and I meet people after the show, I take every picture that they ask for, I sign every autograph that they want. You know, there's merchandise for sale, but people don't have to buy anything. I'll sign their tickets, I'll sign whatever they want me to, I'll get a picture with them and I'll stay there with them as long as they want.
Ralphie May / Comedian
Merchandise
Tickets
Me Long People
Picture
Autograph
Buy
Meet
Sign
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Ralphie May Quotes - Page 2

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