Quotes of All Topics . Occasions . Authors
When you get a chance to step back, you notice all these great things you've done and all these great people that you've worked with.
I'm going to let people know that it's cool to have a child and be young and still be a good mom. It's really tough, but I'm doing it.
If you have something floating in your drink, then you know you're ready. Seriously, what's in my drink? Aliens. Still gonna drink it.
When I was presenting 'Animal Hospital,' the grey started to creep into my beard and moustache. I used my wife's mascara to darken it.
There are lines that I know are going to get a belly laugh, but after a few shows I get sick of hearing myself say them so I drop them.
When I wake up in the morning, I just can't get started until I've had that first, piping hot pot of coffee. Oh, I've tried other enemas.
When England was a kingdom, we had a king. When we were an empire, we had an emperor. Now we're a country, and we have Margaret Thatcher.
Even when you are feeling down, you have to live your life positively, that way, happy days and happy feelings will come to you some day.
I hadn't been in Vegas 20 minutes when I got word that the bookmakers were offering three to one that Frank wouldn't show for my wedding.
There's a lot of people out there who go through hard times, and they feel alone. They feel like nobody is there. But I'm in the same boat.
The manic pursuit of success cost me everything I could love: my wife, my three children, some friends I would have liked to grow old with.
I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary. 'Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!' she said. So I suggested the kitchen.
The success of the Rat Pack or the Clan was due to the camaraderie, the three guys who work together and kid each other and love each other.
It's not that I was crazy. It's just that I was sad at times because the world was sad at times. When I would perform, it wasn't sad anymore.
I don't get into the favorite songs thing, because so many speak to different parts of my life, but the music in the '90s is just unbeatable.
And I also thought that Richard Nixon was the greatest political education we have ever had, but it looks like we need to relearn them again.
At my lemonade stand I used to give the first glass away free and charge five dollars for the second glass. The refill contained the antidote.
If you want to get known as a singer you hire five sexy chicks and let them fight over you onstage and for the cameras. That's publicity, man.
I'm a little bit afraid to give my heart away right now. It's very scary. I'm open to it, but I just want to make sure that I'm taking my time.
I'm just going with the flow. I'm in the process, I'm on the path. I'm really working towards all of my goals and music is definitely on the way.
Women: You can't live with them, and you can't get them to dress up in a skimpy little Nazi costume and beat you with a warm squash or something.
Make your face not look like your face by piling on like the heaviest makeup you can find and do it with some kind of brush that won't judge you.
If I was going to be a little boy about it, I'd go into hiding for one or two years. But if I was going to be a man about it, it'd be 20 or 30 years.
Clifton and I don't even look alike. He smokes and drinks, and I do neither. He's a big fat guy, and if it weren't for me, no one would know who he is.
I go to pick up a girl in a bar. I say will you go home with me? She says I don't know, do you have cable? I say no, but the rope should work just fine.
I had 500 kids at camp this past summer for example. We do nine weeks for kids and nine days for grown ups every summer. The adult camp is a lot of fun.
Probably the worst time in a person's life is when they have to kill a family member because they are the devil. But otherwise it's been a pretty good day.
It just feels like I'm on the right path musically and I'm in the right mindset to continue out my mission in music because I'm not putting myself in a box.
I am a morning person...I love waking up, walking & reveling In the beauty of all the flowers and trees....while chugging a 5th of vodka!!! It could happen.
People say 'Are you going to retire?' To me, that sort of equates with lying down and dying. When you're doing something you love to do, why would you stop?
I'd learned a lot in the Army. I knew that above all things in the world I had to become so big, so strong that people and their hatred could never touch me.
Sure, I could of done it different... put my clown in a closet and dressed up in straight clothing. I could of compromised my essence, and swallowed my soul.
My daughter is in love with Adele. She listens to her every day. To see someone with that much passion and soul move a 9-year-old is amazing and it's magical.
When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.
I personally believe that each of us was put here for a purpose -- to build not to destroy. If I can make people smile, then I have served my purpose for God.
Live by this credo: have a little laugh at life and look around you for happiness instead of sadness. Laughter has always brought me out of unhappy situations.
The extra opinions and the extra praise is just a bonus, it's not the main thing. The main thing is how I feel about myself. And I feel really good about myself.
Sometimes I like to think it would be nice if you just had a character, and your personal life was your personal life. My life is definitely out there, you know?
I just want to continue to do comedy. Comedy, I'm discovering, is my niche. It's what I'm born to do, so I would love to have my own sitcom one day in the future.
I love to go down to the schoolyard and watch all the little children jump up and down and run around yelling and screaming. They don't know I'm only using blanks.
After I decided to become a Jew, only then did I learn that the Jews don't have all the money. When I found out Rockefeller and Ford were goyim, I almost resigned.
I've done some things I wish I could erase. . . . I invented mistakes. But the mistakes must be seen in context, and they must be weighed along with the positives.
The only person I ever hurt was myself and even that I did to the minimum. If you can do that and you're still functioning, you're the luckiest person in the world.
I just want to be known as a clown because to me, that's the height of my profession. It means you can do everything - sing, dance and, above all, make people laugh.
The Avalanches was a great dance track, I thought, but I always feel a little bit let down when there are just two lines repeated constantly. Over and over. Forever.
Well, this week for example, I was just in Los Angeles making a documentary for German television on whales. They had tried to get me in England where they missed me.
Our principles are the springs of our actions. Our actions, the springs of our happiness or misery. Too much care, therefore, cannot be taken in forming our principles.
I thought Doodyville was inside of the television. You know, like, if television was this box - and if I went inside the box that was a television, I'd be in Doodyville.
One day it just hit me. This is it. You are not in love. So either stay in it because you have a child or be brave and find the man of your dreams and marry him for real.
I take conscious breaks for myself 'cause I like to rejuvenate and get my creative juices flowing. I also like to take my time with my creativity; I think it's important.