Quotes by Hannibal Buress - Page 2

My second year of college, I started performing comedy at an open mic. It was good to do open mics with the kids. It's a good, safe spot to start, you know?
Hannibal Buress / Comedian
Performing
Safe
Spot
Mic
Copy Quote
In the future, I want to do an action movie! I'm going to get in shape, get ripped, and have my Chris Pratt transformation. And then become a movie star like that.
Hannibal Buress / Comedian
Action Movie
Movie Star
Ripped
Transformation
Chris
Copy Quote
Social media is interesting. It helps me connect with fans. It's immediate. It's a big part of my touring business - getting the word out via Twitter, Facebook, and Instagram.
Hannibal Buress / Comedian
Fans
Instagram
Interesting
Media
Social Media
Touring
Big Part
Connect
Facebook
Helps
Immediate
Via
Copy Quote
I love stand-up. I look at it as a way to always stay productive. I couldn't imagine only being an actor or a writer. Because what the hell do I do when I'm not working? Mope?
Hannibal Buress / Comedian
Actors
Comedian
Way
Copy Quote
You want to grow where you came up so when you move, you get noticed easier. You can grow in New York but it's better to come here already solid to get your reputation quicker.
Hannibal Buress / Comedian
New York
Moving
Want
Copy Quote
The ultimate thing is creating your own stuff and making projects for yourself. That's what Seth Rogen does. He's writing and producing a lot of the movies that he's the lead in.
Hannibal Buress / Comedian
Ultimate
Movies Yourself Your
Producing
Copy Quote
I'm in awful shape. I'm trying to get in better shape. My girlfriend, she's in good shape. She gives me health tips sometimes, like, 'Hannibal, you're going to die.' Stuff like that.
Hannibal Buress / Comedian
Girlfriend
Tips
Health Good Me
Better Shape
Good Shape
Hannibal
Copy Quote
I had a sketch called 'Fedora Basketball,' which was about basketball players having to wear hats; in addition to scoring points, they have to make sure their fedoras don't fall off.
Hannibal Buress / Comedian
Basketball
Fall
Hats
Addition
Wear
Scoring
Sketch
Copy Quote
I go to a lot of rap shows and sometimes take what they do from a performer's aspect, how they interact with the crowd. I always have a DJ with me on the road, as well as some dancers.
Hannibal Buress / Comedian
Aspect
Always Me Sometimes
Dancers
Interact
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I feel like comedy is doing well right now because there's so many avenues to be seen. Whether it's through the Internet with social media or web videos and now there's so many networks and TV shows.
Hannibal Buress / Comedian
Media
Tv Shows
Video
Copy Quote
I think one of my first jokes - in the black community, there's people who have jokes about skin tone. People like, 'You so black, you purple.' 'You so black, you gotta smile so we can see you at night.'
Hannibal Buress / Comedian
Smile
Black Community
Purple
Tone
Gotta
Copy Quote
I'm doin' something different. I mean, I talk a little bit about race and interracial dating, but it's not the heart of my act. I just try to do what I think is funny; there's no huge message or through line.
Hannibal Buress / Comedian
Dating
Doin
Copy Quote
There's a lot of dudes in my neighborhood that have handlebar mustaches. Which is cool if you want to have a handlebar mustache but don't try to have a conversation with me like you don't have a handlebar mustache.
Hannibal Buress / Comedian
Mustache
Trying
Want
Copy Quote
I like showing different types of comedy - showing that I could tell a story, or showing that I could do a one-liner, showing I could do stuff about music - so just trying to be versatile and talking about different topics.
Hannibal Buress / Comedian
Different
Talking
Trying
Copy Quote
Even on TV appearances or big shows, I don't know if I've ever been as nervous as I was my first time doing stand-up. I just remember getting offstage and sitting down, and my right knee was just shaking from the adrenaline.
Hannibal Buress / Comedian
Adrenaline
Nervous
Shaking
Appearances
Copy Quote
I can work as a writer, but I wanted to do stand-up. And I knew I could, at worst, work as a stand-up. And I like to travel, and I knew I wanted to do an hour special, so in order to get ready for that, I had to hit the road.
Hannibal Buress / Comedian
Hours
Order
Special
Copy Quote
I like smoking at home. I like it to be one of the last things I do that day. I don't wake and bake at all; I couldn't do that. If I'm waking and baking, then I'm staying inside my place the rest of the day. I can't start my day off high.
Hannibal Buress / Comedian
Home
Days Off
Smoking
Copy Quote
There's no room for failure performing [stand-up] for a black audience. If you don't get them right away it's tough winning them back even if you're doing top-notch material. If you didn't win them right when you walked out there, it's tough.
Hannibal Buress / Comedian
Black
Rooms
Winning
Copy Quote
I never have written a movie, but there are some bad movies out there. I can make one. I definitely want to get into that because that's how you, at my level, would get a lead in a movie - by writing a low budget thing for myself. So I gotta get to it.
Hannibal Buress / Comedian
Budget
Gotta
Copy Quote
Actors, you have to wait for people to give you work, or you have to make your own stuff. But standup, I could just say, 'I want to do standup in 30 minutes,' and I can go do standup. Or I could just say, 'I want to do standup in a few weeks in this city.'
Hannibal Buress / Comedian
Minutes
Wait
Standup
Copy Quote
The more you progress, the more you learn. I try to pay attention to ticket counts, draws, guarantees and bonuses. I look at my deals closely these days and try to come up with other projects and ideas, since this business [comedy] is about creating content.
Hannibal Buress / Comedian
Creating
Ideas
Progress
Copy Quote
I did not move to New York with a plan. The first time I moved to New York, I just popped up. My sister was living here in New York. I just popped up. She had her baby and a husband, and I just popped up. 'Hey, what's up? I got $200 and dreams. Let's do this.'
Hannibal Buress / Comedian
New York
Sister
First Time
Hey
Husband
Moved
Plan
York
Copy Quote
I don't know if I have a 'Greatest Album Ever.' I really liked 'The Blueprint' by Jay-Z. The production on that album was really great. 'All I Need' was the first song I used for walk-on music in 2002 for my second time ever on stage, so that means a lot to me.
Hannibal Buress / Comedian
Time Great Music
Blueprint
Time Music Great
Jay-Z
Copy Quote
The jokes now, it's just more stories and personal experiences. And just talking about things that really happened. It's just becoming more comfortable as a performer, sharing my opinions on things, or things that've happened to me. That's where it's really going.
Hannibal Buress / Comedian
Becoming
Stories
Talking
Copy Quote
I took an improv class in 2005 in Chicago at ComedySportz, which was short-form, more of a games-based improv. I remember it being real fun and helping with my stand-up. If I did an improv class, and then I did stand-up later, I felt looser on stage and more comfortable.
Hannibal Buress / Comedian
Being Real
Chicago
Class
Comfortable
Helping
Improv
Looser
Copy Quote
A lot of comedians do bits where they say, 'I was listening to this song, and this person said this, and you know how they say that?' And I thought it would work better if I actually had a DJ put that song lyric right there. It makes it more dynamic, and it's more energetic.
Hannibal Buress / Comedian
Bits
Energetic
Comedians
Dj
Dynamic
Work Song Better
Lyric
They Say
Copy Quote
I don't even know how to use a semicolon to this day; I use a comma every time. And you know what? If I email somebody and they get upset about me using a comma instead of a semicolon, that's not a person I want to work with anyway. And that's how you weed people out of your life.
Hannibal Buress / Comedian
People
Upset
Weed
Copy Quote
Gibberish rap is - I freestyle all the time, just hangin' out with friends. And sometimes when I'm freestyling, I'll lose my flow, you know, but I'll still wanna - I don't wanna just stop rapping because I lose my flow. So I'll just put in nonsense words till I can bring in regular words again.
Hannibal Buress / Comedian
Friends
Flow
Freestyle
Nonsense
Rap
Words
Again
Wanna
Bring
Rapping
Still
Lose
Put
Till
Regular
Copy Quote
Once you're in a room like '30 Rock,' it's a creative setting, so you write more even after you go home, just because you're still in that mode of coming up with jokes. So the job wasn't sapping standup jokes, but it was sapping stand up time and energy, and I wouldn't be able to travel as much.
Hannibal Buress / Comedian
Travel
Creative
Energy
Setting
Time Home Travel
Coming
Go Home
Mode
Rock
Room
Stand Up
Standup
Copy Quote
When people say, 'How did you start in comedy,' I say my family was kidnapped by ninjas when I was very young, and to get them released I had to do a killer five-minute set. And even after I did that, you know, I started doing comedy under tough circumstances, I still kept at it because I enjoyed it.
Hannibal Buress / Comedian
Circumstances
Comedy
Enjoyed
Tough
Five-Minute
People Say
Released
Copy Quote
There's been times where I sold the place out, and I walked in and the guy's like, 'Uh, ID?' 'No, you can't ID me, man. I just sold this place out.' People are just doing their jobs, but I think if you're working the door at a venue where there's a headliner, you should at least be like, 'OK, this is the dude.'
Hannibal Buress / Comedian
Jobs
Man Me People
Door
Dude
Id
Least
Sold
Venue
Walked
Copy Quote
I don't like when people say, 'I'll pray for you. I'm going to pray for you. Praying for you.' You're going to pray for me? So you're going to sit at home and do nothing? 'Cause that's what your prayers are; you doing nothing while I struggle with a situation. Don't pray for me - make me a sandwich or something.
Hannibal Buress / Comedian
Home
Prayer
Struggle
Copy Quote
I just wear black and gray all the time. If you Google Image me, you'll just see a bunch of black and gray. It's simple. If I like a shirt, I'll buy six or eight of them, wear them back-to-back, and just wait for somebody to say something. 'That's the same shirt you wore yesterday.' 'Yeah, but this one is fresh.'
Hannibal Buress / Comedian
Google
Gray
Yesterday
Time Black Me
Shirt
Wore
Copy Quote
My first time on TV doing stand-up, I actually did this show in Holland called 'The Comedy Factory' hosted by Jorgen Raymann. It was in 2006 in Holland. It was amazing. I had only been doing stand-up for four years, and I booked that gig through the Just For Laughs Montreal festival, and they flew me out and put me up.
Hannibal Buress / Comedian
Amazing
Comedy
First Time
Flew
Holland
Montreal
Time Me Doing
Time Amazing Me
Tv
Actually
Booked
Factory
Festival
Gig
Laughs
Copy Quote
I did a 'Last Comic Standing' audition in 2006, where you're just performing for three people in a comedy club, in a big comedy club, and I remember them cutting me off, asking about my name in the middle of one of my jokes. Yeah, it's just real weird when you're doing stand-up in that type of sterile, unnatural setting.
Hannibal Buress / Comedian
Asking
Comic
Cutting
Middle
Performing
Setting
Standing
Type
Unnatural
Yeah
Me Remember People
Weird
Me Weird Remember
Audition
Club
Comedy Club
Sterile
Copy Quote
I've been doing stand-up longer than I've been doing anything. It's just learning how to act on camera, trying to get better at that, figuring out how to make my humor translate and bounce off other people. It's not a big challenge, but the main thing is just trying to be on point and be the best I can be on these shows.
Hannibal Buress / Comedian
Challenges
Get Better
People
Copy Quote
You forget that sometimes comedy is just a big night out for people. Almost every show, people come up to me and go, 'This is the first comedy show I've ever seen,' so you want to do well. If you do horribly at somebody's first time seeing live stand-up, well, you've not only tainted yourself, you've tainted a whole art form.
Hannibal Buress / Comedian
Tainted
Time Art Me
Art Form
Horribly
Show People
Copy Quote
We'll keep you in our thoughts With the other bullshit in your heads? No, keep me out of your thoughts, because I hear some of the stuff you talk about and if that's close to what you're thinking about, I don't want to be around that, so keep me and my family out of your thoughts, unless you're thinking of making me a sandwich.
Hannibal Buress / Comedian
Bullshit
Thinking
Want
Copy Quote
I used to have costumed characters come out, like SpongeBob. It's just fun to make it into this minor event, just to surprise people and experiment and be weird and just have fun with it. I've done just the hour stand-up, and that's fun, but the other stuff makes it fun for me and gives me something to react to and bounce off of.
Hannibal Buress / Comedian
Bounce
Surprise
Event
Experiment
Me Weird Fun
Have Fun
Minor
React
Copy Quote
Before I did comedy, I'd freestyle with all of my friends. In high school and into college, I recorded songs with my friends, not to perform but just to play for them. So I've had interest in music for a while. Early on, I'd host a lot of music open nights or hip-hop nights, so a lot of my early experience performing was around music.
Hannibal Buress / Comedian
College
Comedy
Freestyle
High School
Host
Performing
Perform
Open
Nights
Early
Copy Quote
I think people overplay the 'Saturday Night Live' schedule. I mean, yeah, it can be some late hours. But the late hours are usually only one or two nights out of the week. You might have a crazy six-day week, but you'll work three weeks, and then you get a week off work. I'd take most jobs if it was hard work and then I got a week off.
Hannibal Buress / Comedian
Jobs
Hard Work
Hours
Late
Might
Night
Saturday
Saturday Night
Saturday Night Live
Three
Yeah
Nights
Weeks
One Or Two
Schedule
Copy Quote
I just write and do what I think is funny. Sometimes, you do have it in your head about certain bits. There are certain jokes where I know if I did them in certain situations, it would irk people. There are times where I look at the news and see a story going on, and I'm like, 'Wow, if I tweeted this, I would get press if I wanted to.'
Hannibal Buress / Comedian
Bits
Copy Quote
God sounds kinda like a shitty father to me. If God was so powerful why'd he have to give his son up? It sounds like God owed someone some money and they couldn't get to him, so they murked his son. That's what I really think happened. Jesus got stabbed up in an alley... but it's easier to sell crucifixes. You can't sell a pendant of someone getting shanked up In the alley. It's a marketing scheme.
Hannibal Buress / Comedian
Jesus
Father
Powerful
Copy Quote
I think right now there's more TV shows than ever. You've got network, you've got cable, you've got Netflix, you've got Hulu, even Amazon is putting out original content. So there's a lot of opportunities to find fans. You don't have to have a huge audience. You can cater to the people that like your stuff. So there is a boom in comedy and television and stand-up too through podcasting and all the different talk shows.
Hannibal Buress / Comedian
Opportunity
Thinking
Tv Shows
Copy Quote
I don't believe in cancer walks. Well, I believe in them because they exist but I'd rather just give money straight up and save my Saturday afternoon. I can make my own t-shirt, that's not incentive. Plus I don't think cancer responds to how far people walk. I don't think cancer's sitting at home, 'What? How many people walked how far? How many people walked how far wearing the same shirt? That's crazy! I'm out of here!' Remission.
Hannibal Buress / Comedian
Believe
Cancer
Crazy
Copy Quote
Sometimes I get drunk and I get into arguments with taxi drivers. And I get out the cab and I slam the door. That's not the way to win an argument with a taxi driver. The way to win is you get out of the cab and you leave the door open. And then he has to step out and come around and close that door. And while he's doing that, I'm on the other side opening the other doors-and we just go around and around and around, and I got my own Benny Hill situation going on in life.
Hannibal Buress / Comedian
Funny
Doors
Winning
Copy Quote
Whenever I eat at a restaurant I never put the napkin in my lap. People say, 'Hannibal, why don't you put the napkin in your lap?' Because I believe in myself. I believe in my ability to not spill food in my pants 'cause I'm a goddamn adult. And I've mastered the art of getting food from my plate to my mouth without messing up my jeans. You need to believe in yourself, too and get your life together, that's for babies. Have some confidence in your eating abilities and hand/eye coordination.
Hannibal Buress / Comedian
Art
Confidence
Smile
Baby
Believe
Copy Quote

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Hannibal Buress Quotes - Page 2

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