Quotes by Romesh Ranganathan - Page 2

What we're increasingly seeing is comics are becoming better known across the world. They're recording shows wherever they are, then putting them online for everyone. It has definitely changed in that way.
Romesh Ranganathan /
World Better Way
Increasingly
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I have never worried about having my finger on the pulse, because I consume music and cinema voraciously, and assumed that meant I would know all of the things my kids were into, even if I didn't like them.
Romesh Ranganathan /
Pulse
Worried
Assumed
Consume
Finger
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Because let's be clear about this: birthdays are for children. It's the one day of the year where they get properly spoilt and are the centre of attention, and they get the presents they really, really want.
Romesh Ranganathan /
Centre
Spoilt
Birthdays
Presents
Properly
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I thoroughly enjoy my children's birthdays, despite the fact their parties are an apocalyptic mix of hall-booking, Nerf-gun-hiring, refreshment-organising and talking to parents whose names you've forgotten.
Romesh Ranganathan /
Despite
Forgotten
Mix
Thoroughly
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My obsession with hip-hop has given me an addiction to trainers, which are very much a young person's game, and I am known to rock a full tracksuit, under the pretence that it's more comfortable to travel in.
Romesh Ranganathan /
Addiction
Obsession
Pretence
Trainers
Travel I Am Me
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I've done bits where I've perhaps talked about my kids annoying me and you hope that the audience realise that you do actually love your children. You can still be a good parent and be frustrated by your kids.
Romesh Ranganathan /
Annoying
Bits
Frustrated
Good Parent
Love Hope Good
Realise
Talked
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The error that many vegans make is forgetting that our food has novelty value. Non-vegans think our food is awful, but are fascinated by the prospect of something vegan being delicious. They want to disprove it.
Romesh Ranganathan /
Delicious
Fascinated
Novelty
Disprove
Error
Forgetting
Prospect
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I'm not suggesting I met a significant enough number of them to constitute a robust sample size, but I am saying that my general impression of Sri Lankans is that they are friendly, chatty and hospitable people.
Romesh Ranganathan /
Friendly
Impression
Robust
Sample
Significant
Suggesting
Constitute
Sri
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Black Panther is a great film'. It has the most compelling villain of any Marvel movie, and it deals admirably with the issue of diminishing jeopardy in a million superhero films where the world is going to end.
Romesh Ranganathan /
Compelling
Deals
Great Film
Jeopardy
Superhero
Villain
Diminishing
Marvel
Panther
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I'm hugely negative, so if a joke doesn't land it takes me a long time to get over it. If something doesn't go well I go dark in my head. Basically I start thinking it should be illegal for me to be doing comedy.
Romesh Ranganathan /
Dark
Illegal
Long Time
Over It
Time Thinking Me
Time Start Thinking
Time Thinking Long
Basically
Hugely
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There is a magical, unexplainable phenomenon that still occurs to this day where, however funny you think the material you've written is, as soon as you turn up to a gig to try it out, it becomes almost incoherent.
Romesh Ranganathan /
Phenomenon
Gig
Incoherent
Magical
Occurs
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If you're racist and you come out and say it's because of Brexit, then great. Then I know definitely not to talk to you, rather than you give me a sideways glance in a shop. Now I know, I've seen your Facebook post.
Romesh Ranganathan /
Sideways
Great Your Me
Brexit
Great Me Your
Glance
Post
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I've always loved American stand-up. Richard Pryor is one of the main reasons I got into stand-up. After Pryor, I made my way through the other great American comics, then finally got into the British ones over here.
Romesh Ranganathan /
Great American
Pryor
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I'll play anything Mario- or Zelda-related, but Fortnite is one step beyond me. I don't get anything from it but motion sickness and an increased sense of anxiety about how violent future generations are going to be.
Romesh Ranganathan /
Future
Generations
Mario
Sickness
Beyond
Fortnite
Future Generations
Increased
Motion
Sense
Step
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My garage/office is strewn with Post-its, cards, folders, notebooks, yoga mats and multicoloured pens, all purchased in a quest to unlock a magic way of working that will ensure my ascension to next-level creativity.
Romesh Ranganathan /
Yoga
Cards
Magic
Pens
Ensure
Notebooks
Purchased
Quest
Strewn
Unlock
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Our house was repossessed and we lived in a B&B until we got a council house. It was a struggle, but Mum just got her head down, found cleaning jobs and never complained. I owe her a lot, so I now do everything she says.
Romesh Ranganathan /
Cleaning
Council
Owe
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It is fair to say that I am generally very bad at keeping in touch - with everyone. When I read a text, my brain seems to think that I have replied to it, and so I am often genuinely surprised when people tell me I haven't.
Romesh Ranganathan /
Brain I Am Me
Genuinely
Replied
Text
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People who are comfortable in their own skin I admire, but you don't know what's really going on. If you meet someone who says they nail being a human, they are as far away from nailing it as a human as you can possibly imagine.
Romesh Ranganathan /
Far Away
Skin
People Comfortable Know
Nail
Possibly
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I used to love the Wu-Tang Clan. They took my school by storm, by which I mean the three kids in my year who listened to hip-hop. I skipped lectures to go and buy their second album, 'Forever', and then rushed home to listen to it.
Romesh Ranganathan /
Home
Forever
Lectures
School
Storm
Three
Used
Album
Buy
Clan
Listened
Rushed
Second
To Love
Took
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I've had a Hindu upbringing. There's a lot about it I think is cool. Temples are amazing. It's a nice vibe when people are praying. And there's lots about it where I understand why they believe those things. But I'm not practising.
Romesh Ranganathan /
Amazing
Cool
Nice
Praying
Temples
Upbringing
Amazing Believe People
Lot
Understand
Had
Why
Hindu
Those
Practising
Vibe
Where
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You can be good at comedy, which means you'll be given spots, but beyond that it is luck that pushes you to the next level. There are loads of brilliant comedians who haven't had the breaks, and plenty of average comedians who have.
Romesh Ranganathan /
Luck
Next Level
Spots
Breaks
Comedians
Pushes
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Actually, the reason I'm a huge Arsenal fan is because when my dad moved over from Sri Lanka, he lived in north London and fell in love with Arsenal. Then he moved to East Grinstead and bought a pub, which he turned into an Arsenal pub.
Romesh Ranganathan /
Arsenal
Sri Lanka
Lanka
Pub
Sri
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I worry about my children, actually. I'm trying to give them a decent upbringing but I sometimes worry that that means they're going to be kind of mediocre adults. Like maybe I should throw them out for a bit and give them some adversity.
Romesh Ranganathan /
Adversity
Be Kind
Decent
Mediocre
Upbringing
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When you spend your day writing comedy, particularly with others, the discussion of jokes and how far to push things with a group of unoffendable colleagues means that your grasp of what is acceptable in normal conversation is often skewed.
Romesh Ranganathan /
Acceptable
Colleagues
Discussion
Grasp
How Far
Skewed
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In the past, I have been guilty of returning from work with some parenting words of wisdom, ignoring the fact that my wife has been dealing with the situation for a while. The correct strategy at these times is to wind my mansplaining neck in.
Romesh Ranganathan /
Parenting
Guilty
Strategy
Wind
Neck
Correct
Ignoring
Returning
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I realised I had an issue with my mobile phone use when a friend started explaining the virtues of the Fast 800 diet and, while still engaged in the conversation, I pulled out my phone and ordered the book before they had finished their sentence.
Romesh Ranganathan /
Engaged
Explaining
Realised
Virtues
Pulled
Sentence
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Sri Lanka's interpretation of western cuisine is pretty diabolical. Sri Lankan food itself is ace, however, and they bloody love a buffet. Even if you go to a basic-looking cafe, they can knock up four or five different curries for you very quickly.
Romesh Ranganathan /
Bloody
Cuisine
Diabolical
Interpretation
Love Food Go
Ace
Buffet
Cafe
Lanka
Sri
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I chose to be a maths teacher because I thought the marking would be easy. You'd just tick and cross, whereas if you're an English teacher, you've got to read essays. Then they said I had to analyse the methodology. It takes an eternity, it's insane!
Romesh Ranganathan /
Teacher
Easy
English Teacher
Essays
Eternity
Insane
Methodology
Said
Tick
Analyse
English
Chose
Read
Cross
Marking
Maths
Takes
Whereas
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The key to a happy marriage is myself being absent for long periods of time. My wife Leesa and I will celebrate our tenth wedding anniversary next year, but if my comedy gigs petered out and I was around the house more, we'd 100% be getting divorced.
Romesh Ranganathan /
Anniversary
Wedding
Celebrate
Divorced
Gigs
Happy Marriage
Next Year
Periods
Long Periods
Tenth
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David Beckham is always seen as the thickest man on the planet, too daft to complete a jigsaw puzzle. But then you watch old footage of him playing and every time he plays a ball across the field, he's intuitively working out the trajectory of the ball.
Romesh Ranganathan /
Beckham
Daft
Jigsaw
Trajectory
Time Always Man
Time Man Always
Footage
Intuitively
Jigsaw Puzzle
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Everyone seems so excited by the fact that music is more accessible, people can find new artists more easily and it's cheaper, without focusing on the potential negatives, not least of which is that idiots can more easily listen to your favourite music.
Romesh Ranganathan /
Cheaper
Favourite
Music Your People
Accessible
Music People New
Artists
Easily
Focusing
Idiots
Negatives
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Supermarkets and specialist suppliers will have you believe there are great substitutes for cheese. There are not. No vegan cheese tastes anything like decent cheese, and melting cheese might as well be alchemy as far as the vegan cheese industry is concerned.
Romesh Ranganathan /
Alchemy
Cheese
Decent
Melting
Substitutes
Suppliers
Great Believe Will
Tastes
Specialist
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Education seems to be placing increased emphasis on assessment and tracking, which means parents are terrified that if their kid doesn't exceed their expected learning level at six years old, they are immediately put in the class that ends up working at McDonald's.
Romesh Ranganathan /
Assessment
Emphasis
Exceed
Six
Terrified
Tracking
Immediately
Increased
Mcdonald
Placing
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As a young child, I loved the hugs and kisses, but I also remember getting to the age when they no longer felt OK. My parents would kiss me when they dropped me off at school, which was obviously embarrassing because having loving parents makes you a social pariah.
Romesh Ranganathan /
Embarrassing
Loving Parents
Age Me Remember
Dropped
Hugs
Young Child
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To avoid depression while travelling, I always take loads of items that make me feel connected with home. I can't even explain the joy I felt when I realised I'd remembered to pack my vanilla and mango scented beard oil. The feeling of euphoria was similar to my kids being born.
Romesh Ranganathan /
Depression
Beard
Euphoria
Items
Realised
Remembered
Vanilla
Home Always Me
Loads
Pack
Travelling
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Usually, if I have a day to write, I will spend the first hour thinking about how I am going to structure my day. I will also spend time helping my kids to get ready for school. Then I spend an hour making and eating breakfast, because balanced nutrition has suddenly become very important.
Romesh Ranganathan /
Balanced
Breakfast
Nutrition
Time Thinking I Am
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My childhood memories are filled with hugs and kisses from both my mum and dad. My mum has a thing about kissing you an odd number of times: if she kisses you once, all good, but if she kisses you twice, then you know another one has to follow and, weirdly, she tends to go for the forehead.
Romesh Ranganathan /
Childhood Memories
Filled
Mum And Dad
Odd
Forehead
Hugs
Tends
Weirdly
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Veganism is a point of contention all year round. So much so that many vegans cut themselves off from the rest of society, huddling together for warmth and smugness, and using online forums to vent their disgust at the morally corrupt dairy- and meat-eating savages who make up most of the populace.
Romesh Ranganathan /
Contention
Dairy
Savages
Warmth
All Year
Corrupt
Disgust
Forum
Round
Make Up
Populace
Vent
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We are entering an age where people can claim to know more about what really happened than the people who were there. Where people will dismiss eyewitness accounts, on the basis of their gut feelings; where they will refute scientific discoveries because the scientist just doesn't look trustworthy.
Romesh Ranganathan /
Accounts
Entering
Trustworthy
Age Look People
Claim
Discoveries
Dismiss
Gut
Refute
Scientific
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Being away a lot on tour means that my family has to suffer an inordinate amount of overcompensation, as I return home with skewed ideas of what counts as quality time. I will force everyone into a cinema trip, insistent that three hours in the dark in silence is the perfect way for us all to re-engage.
Romesh Ranganathan /
Quality Time
Silence
Time Family Home
Counts
Family Time Home
Inordinate
Insistent
Return Home
Skewed
Suffer
Trip
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Years later, when I was working as a trolley wally in a supermarket, I tackled the boredom by talking to the customers in as many different accents as I could manage. I started with one that I didn't think would alert any suspicion - generic Asian - then moved on to Irish, Welsh, Australian and American.
Romesh Ranganathan /
Australian
Boredom
Generic
Manage
Moved On
Suspicion
Welsh
Alert
Supermarket
Tackled
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I know you're supposed to love yourself, but I really hate the way I look. When I look in the mirror I'm so disgusted by the chocolate blancmange abomination staring back at me, I actually apologise to my wife for my physical appearance. I've got no backside, an overhanging belly and I'm so disproportionate.
Romesh Ranganathan /
Appearance
Belly
Chocolate
Disgusted
Love Yourself
Physical Appearance
Staring
Apologise
Backside
Disproportionate
Mirror
Physical
Supposed
To Love
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We've all seen comedians look like they're reaching just a little bit too much for the laugh. This is counterproductive. The conceit of standup is that it is effortless, which makes the prospect of generating new comedy a tricky one: you are trying to be funny without looking like you are trying to be funny.
Romesh Ranganathan /
Conceit
Counterproductive
Reaching
Tricky
Comedians
Generating
Just A Little Bit
Prospect
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I have read that, when you are writing or working on something creative, and your attention wanders, your brain is processing and working on what you have just done. But I find it hard to believe that my brain is really taking five hours to fully process the seven minutes I have managed to spend focused on one thing.
Romesh Ranganathan /
Processing
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